Cocooned in Motherhood

See that cocoon?

Sometimes I feel like I am in that cocoon.

I used to be the wild, crazy caterpillar. My life was fresh and full of energy. I was always on the go, eating my way through life with an appetite that was starved for adventure…

growing…

changing…

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I love my babies. I love being a mom, BUT…

The Mommy Years are not always easy. They can be downright HARD.

Many times it feels the spunky, care-free life of the caterpillar has disappeared and been replaced by…

Dull and ordinary, but NEVER boring…

Rarely is there time for make-up…

yoga pants are the norm…

stained clothes…stained with…what IS that?

Now is the time of sleepless nights…

endless to-do lists…

When was the last time I was able to complete an intelligible sentence on the phone without an interruption?

I have forgotten what it feels like to be just “one of the girls” or have sporadic, last minute date nights with the man I love.

Who am I?

Am I still that same person?

Deep-down, inside of being a mom, does that caterpillar still exist?

Some days the smiles come easy. Other times they are trapped behind the weary eyes of worry…

Is my baby reaching all the correct “milestones?”

Should I work? Should I stay home?

Worrying if my kids are learning…

Will they succeed?

Will they make friends?

Am I teaching them to be kind?

Is my kid’s craziness a phase? Please be a phase.

Am I doing “it” right?

Am I setting the right example?

Am I a “good” mom?

I’m wiggling around inside my cocoon, often times feeling isolated and trapped between who I was, who I am, and who I will be…

There is a silver lining…

I have the promise of all of the butterflies who have hatched before me.

The butterflies who were once cocooned in “what do I do with this tiny newborn?”

“Will I ever sleep again?”

“Sorry we can’t make it, the baby is sick…”

New teeth…

Firsts…oh the joy and fear of all the firsts…

Toilet training…

Stomach bugs…

Bullies…

Failed tests…

Do I read to my children enough?

LEGOS!!!

Waiting up…

Why are they late? Are they ok?

Will my child know when to say “no” and when “yes” is right?

Do I listen enough?

Do I say “I love you” enough?

Is this guy/girl REALLY the one?

The butterflies made it through the “trenches” of motherhood. The pressure and the time of uncertainty made them who they are today…

They survived!

They are beautiful!

Colorful! Colored by motherhood.

They may be timid in their new freedom…it’s uncertain, the currents of fresh breezes may be a little frightening, disorienting, but the world is there’s once again…

I, one day, will FEEL that beauty and freedom again…

I will harvest the fruits of all of the hard work and worries as I watch my little caterpillars crawling out into the world, wild and free…

And I will be flapping my big, beautiful wings nearby, whispering words of encouragement as they crawl into their cocoons when their transformation time is upon them…

The growing pains of changing from who they are to who they are meant to be…

They too will survive, sprout wings, and be beautiful…

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